Friday, January 8, 2010
I don't embarras easily...
I have to face facts. The Kid has his own agenda and a lot of it includes embarrassing/humiliating his mother and father.
The other night, we didn’t feel like cooking so we went to our local sushi restaurant for dinner. The Kid said that he had to go to the bathroom. This sushi restaurant is particularly small – just a few tables and a sushi bar. Because of its size, we have a view of the bathroom and who goes in and out so we let him go alone - with the requisite reminders to flush and wash his hands. He came out proudly a few minutes later and as he walked to our table he found it important to announce (in his outside voice) “I went poo!” The funny thing is, we are so used to being embarrassed that this hardly fazed us at all. However, the childless young couple seated next to us seemed less than amused.
I’m going to lay a few more on the table for you – so next time your little one decides to humiliate you; you’ll know you aren’t alone…
We are on vacation and trying to catch a boat to an island which will be our home for the next 5 days. We park our car about a half mile away and begin the walk to the boat dock with our bags and The Kid in tow. Did I mention it was hot? Before we get to the docks, The Kid is complaining that he can’t walk because it’s too hot. My husband picks The Kid up, puts him on his shoulders and we keep going. By the time we get to the docks we’re sweaty – and late. We were told to go to “Dock H”. If we miss this boat we’re screwed so we begin to run – past docks A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I – wait – what? My husband who is voicing exactly what I was thinking says “Where the fuck is H?” We run up and down the docks a few more times and finally see our boat – on dock C. Once we’re on the boat, we realize that we’re headed to a seriously swanky place. We are the ONLY ones on this lovely yacht and they greet us with champagne and orange juice. We are taken up to meet the captain and he greets us one by one. The Kid then tugs on the captain’s sleeve and says in the sweetest little voice “excuse me”. My husband and I smile at each other because we’re so proud that we have a child with such great manners. When the captain looks down The Kid asks “where the fuck is H?”
Yet another. I’m sitting on the steps of my sister-in-law’s front porch. The kid is next to me and has decided that it would be fun to look through my purse. When it is time to go, I ask him for my purse back to which he responds “no!” I ask him again with the same response. As I am not a particularly patient person, I lean down and pull the purse from his sweaty little hands. As he loses his grip, he also loses his balance and rolls - in slow motion down the two steps. There is much crying, lots of hugs and the drama is over. Fast forward two hours and we’re at the grocery store – kid in cart in the cereal aisle with 5 other people. In this moment, he takes the opportunity to ask “Mommy – why did you push me down the stairs?”
Of course there are more – and more to come I am sure… Feel free to share yours!