Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Hey - United Airlines - are you trying to tell me something??

Dear United Airlines,

It has been a long year and I’ve spent a large portion of it sitting on your planes (84,000 miles to be exact).  Now, while I feel like we kind of know each other, I think things may be getting a little personal. You see, I KNOW that I’ve gained a few pounds over the last year - my tight pants prove it.  I definitely have “lose weight” at the top of my New Year’s Resolution list.  I know that you were trying to be subtle about it and not call too much attention to "Operation Help Stephanie Lose Weight" but I caught on. 

Some examples:

On one of my flights, you seated saw an opportunity and you took it!  Moving the tiny college girl next to me and putting a very very very large man in her place was genius!  He was so nice and honestly felt bad that we had to move the armrest up because he couldn’t fit in his seat and ended up pressed against me for the entire two hour flight.  Turning off all air conditioning on the plane and claiming that it was “malfunctioning” was also smart. I believe that, between the unavoidable body contact and heat of the plane, I must have lost at least two pounds. 

On another flight, you came around offering food. I asked for the cheese tray – you were all out. I asked for the antipasto tray – you were all out.  You did however, offer a healthy Spinach Salad, which unfortunately didn’t have enough cheese to satisfy my craving for fatty food.

On yet another flight, I asked for a Coke and the flight attendant very graciously poured me a Diet Coke. I think she even winked at me when she handed it over.

 I do appreciate the opportunity for exercise when you park my connecting flight on the complete opposite end of the airport.  Whether I’m running the length of Denver International Airport or through the tunnel with soothing music at Chicago O'Hare, I enjoy the chance to stretch my legs after a few hours of sitting. On some trips it’s the only exercise I get!

No offense, but I am hoping that I won’t be traveling as much next year. I have a family at home that has a hard time remembering my name.  If my wish comes true, then I will be exercising and eating right and will shed those pounds. If it doesn’t, feel free to continue Operation HSLW – just don’t make it too obvious, and let me have a cheese tray every once in a while…


The slightly larger Stephanie

1 comment:

  1. Wow. You almost made 1K! I know the "tunnel with soothing music at Chicago O'Hare" only too well: Keep moving, keeping moving, keeping moving. Like the voices in your head. Creepy.

    Hilarious letter to United. You should make it into a song called "United Broke My Heart" or something... ;-)


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